Scary Mommy-Nightmare Series Mommy Dirty Talk Tips from Real Moms on How to Get Some

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Dirty Talk for Moms

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This post may contain advertisements and/or links for products and services that I value. I offer recommendations to products and/or services that I find helpful in my own life as a mom. I may receive a commission based on viewer purchases or interactions with these ads. You will NOT be charged any extra money. All prices will stay the same for you whether your purchase items/services through links found on this site or not! 

 

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series:

A Collection of Humorous Stories from Real Moms

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Category: 21 Reasons A Mom’s Shower Can’t Exceed 6 Minutes

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Category: 20 Unlucky Embarrassing Mom Moments

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Category: Over 60 Insanely Awesome Child Quotes

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Category: Things that Really Should be Weird… But Just Seem Normal to Moms

Scary Mom-Nightmares Series- Category: Potty Edition

 

We all know relationships get a little wacko after we become parents.

It seems impossible to find time to eat, sleep, and shower- let alone connect with your spouse.

That’s when we get creative… and maybe a little desperate.

As always, these are real stories, told by fellow-moms who’ve been there, done that! Here’s our best tips from mom to mom on how to get some!

woman holding someone's hand

1) Crazy Places

Hey, beggars can’t be choosers! When moms and dads need a little something, we go for it ANYWHERE we can!

A few moms I talked to tried having sex in:

  • The golf course
  • The labor and delivery room
  • The kids’ rooms when they’re supposed to be cleaning them… After all, this is the last place they’d be!
  • The spooky basement or garage. Again, all we’re looking for here is a little privacy.
  • The closet.
  • Anywhere besides the bedroom because that’s the first place they’ll come looking for us!!

I even talked to one mom who had a standing challenge with several other couples to see who could do it in the craziest places. I guess parenthood drives us to a little insanity anyways… we might as well enjoy it!

man and woman lying on bed

2) Bribes/Promises

I’ve said a lot of things with a double goal in mind- to strengthen my marriage and also get a few things done around the house at the same time.

Turns out that bribes are a common method for women! Of course, dads also make promises in exchange for a little fun.

I’ve heard plenty of basic ones, like:

  • “I will if you take out the trash.”
  • “I will if you get up with the baby.”
  • “I will if you take the kids for an hour.”
  • “I will if you make dinner.”

But there’s no end to what one or both spouse(s) will do to get a little sugar! Here’s a few of the more exciting bribes/promises I heard from moms and dads who really needed it!

  • “I will if you clean up the puke.” Oh man. Disgusting… but worth it!
  • “I’ll give you a week of sex every day for one night out with my friends.” Hey, that sounds like a win, win for everyone!
  • “You won’t have to change single diaper today if we get to have sex.” And this couple had THREE kids in diapers! That’s a committed spouse!
  •  “I’ll watch Dora the Explorer with the toddler in the morning so that you can sleep in if we can have some fun now.” My personal favorite! That’s a major sacrifice! What a loving partner!
  • “I’ll do whatever you want if you just get me some fried chicken.” Pregnancy cravings… what can we say?

Of course, we would totally put out even if our husband didn’t do all that. He’s too hot to resist (and parents are constantly starving for a little fun….) but shhhhhh! Don’t tell! I really don ‘t want to clean the puke!

selective focus photography of sleeping baby

3) “On your birthday….” turns into “When the kids go to sleep….”

There are no sexier words than “They’re all asleep!!

But don’t get your hopes up. I’ve heard all the stories of parents who were interrupted from their “recreational activities” in the middle of the night by:

  • nighttime feedings for newborns,
  • babies who lose their pacifiers in the middle of the night,
  • toddlers who wake up randomly at 2am,
  • young children who wet the bed,
  • older children who have nightmares,
  • and teenagers who try to sneak in or out of the house early in the morning.

Better get it while you can! Sleeping kids don’t sleep for long! 

person holding white mini bell alarmclock

4) Quickies

As I was saying, parents gotta get it when they can! That means that any 15 minute activity that will keep the kids occupied means play time for mom and dad too! 

If you’re dying for a little somethin’, try these moms suggestions:

  • Nap Time for kids is nap time for parents too!
  • Lunch and snacks are great distractions! Kids are less likely to bother you if they’re eating! If you get desperate, pull out the ice cream or the candy. A little unhealthy food is worth the fun you’ll have!
  • Play Dates are the best! You’ll have the house to yourself for an hour or so! Jackpot!!
  • When kids play outside. You didn’t really think the big push to get kids to play outside was just for exercise and good health, did you?? Well, actually, now that I think of it, I guess it is. For mom and dad too.
  • During an episode of Daniel Tiger. Oh yeah, those are 20 minutes long! That’s plenty of time for a quickie!!!
  • When mom comes back to the bedroom after nursing the baby at 2am… “Hey, if you’re already awake, why not??”

woman riding on back of man

5) Accidents

Of course… all this planning does’t make us perfect!

Many parents have been caught in the act. Hey, what can we say, all these crazy attempts to get a little sugar don’t always work out.

Here’s a few of the stories I’ve heard from moms:

  • I was visiting my family for a holiday. They don’t believe in locking doors… but I thought they believed in knocking! My sister walked in on me and my wife… She got a nice view of my full moon.
  • My four year old niece burst into the room where my husband and I were messing around, just seconds after we got our clothes back on! Phew, close one!
  • We had family in town staying at our place for a few weeks. Needless to say, we couldn’t last that long without a little fun! So we tried to sneak away whenever we could. My house has very thin walls…. One time, we had a little fun and walked back into the living room to several pale, awkward faces… Nobody would make eye contact. Nobody seemed to know what to talk about. Woops…
  • My husband and I were right in the middle of the act when we heard a tiny voice say, “What are you doing?” It was my 6 year old son, whose ninja skills still amaze me. We had no idea he came in the room!

 

Have you ever been caught in the act? Do you have great advice on how to get some for busy parents? Share your story in the comments below!

I can’t wait to hear more mommy dirty talk!

And I especially can’t wait to try out some of your suggestions… I’m always looking for new ideas to test out with my hot husband!

Sincerely,

Mrs. S

 

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Who is Mrs. S… and why do people call you that? 

It’s my favorite nickname! That’s what all my students call me!

I’ve been around the block a time or two. I’ve worked with children from ages 0-18, some with mental illness, some with disabilities, some with Autism, and many with behavioral problems.

I also worked as a parent educator!

All that doesn’t hold a candle to my best experience with children- being a mom. Want to learn more about me? Click here! 

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8 Ideas to Make Valentine's Day (Or Any Other Day) Special for Your Man

8 Ideas To Make Valentine’s Day (Or Any Other Day) Special for Your Man

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Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

This post may contain advertisements and/or links for products and services that I value. I offer recommendations to products and/or services that I find helpful in my own life as a mom. I may receive a commission based on viewer purchases or interactions with these ads. You will NOT be charged any extra money. All prices will stay the same for you whether your purchase items/services through links found on this site or not! 

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is mostly a girl holiday.

We love the cute red balloons, and pink heart-shaped desserts, and giant teddy bears, and of course LOTS of chocolate! But more than anything, we love feeling spoiled by our man!

This Valentine’s Day, I wanted to switch things up a bit. I decided to think of ways that I could spoil him

But it wasn’t easy.

In fact, it was pretty stinking tricky.

In the process of brainstorming, here’s a list of my absolute, topnotch, foolproof ideas to make Valentine’s Day a special day for your man this year! 

Here’s to strengthening your relationship, one expression of love at a time!

man and woman holding hands together in field during daytime

1) Give Him That One Thing He’s Been Wanting Forever. 

You know, the thing he keeps bringing up over and over? Not even to ask you for it, it’s just so important to him that it comes up often.

For my husband, it’s tools, a new scope for his rifle, and a smoker.

Of course, I can’t afford all three, but if I can get just one thing for him that he really wants, not only will it show that I want to sacrifice to get him an amazing gift but it also shows that I love him enough to listen to his wants and needs. 

What if your husband wants something that you know nothing about?? That makes shopping really tough. I often have to ask my husband’s friends or his brother for help to make sure I buy the right thing. 🙂 And always keep the receipt just in case! 

man and woman hugging near sea during golden hour

2) Give Him your Time.

Find an activity that’s out of the ordinary routine for you two. Make it just for you and him- no kids!

Yep, that means a little homework for you. Track down a babysitter, make sure your calendar is free of any outside events, put your phone down. No distractions! Today is JUST for him! 

  • A picnic
  • Go stargazing
  • Rent a 4-wheeler, Snowmobile, or a Razor
  • Spend a night at a hotel!
  • Play his favorite video game with him
  • Buy a Movie Pass

Applebee’s – AMC Dinner & A Movie, Multipack of 2 – $25

  • Go hiking
  • Ride in a hot air balloon
  • Have a photo shoot
  • If you can afford it, plan a vacation or a getaway together!
  • Go skydiving
  • Go zip lining
  • Rent his dream car for a day
  • Go kayaking
  • Bungee Jump off a bridge!
  • Go whitewater rafting
  • Have great conversation!

Our Moments Couples: 100 Thought Provoking Conversation Starters for Great Relationships – Fun Conversation Cards Game for Couples

  • Commit to continue to spend time together!

The Buttercup House Date Idea Box, Date Ideas For Couples, Date Night Ideas, Date Ideas

silhouette of person's hands forming heart

3) Give Him a New Skill. 

A great way to give meaningful gifts is to think of gifts as memories instead of objects. What amazing memories could you give your man this Valentine’s Day?

  • Improv Course
  • Go to the gun range and learn to shoot
  • Rock climbing class
  • Fly a helicopter
  • Golf lessons
  • Learn to fly fish
  • Cooking, art, self-improvement, writing, ANYTHING he’s interested in!

selective focus photography of woman and man about to kiss

4) Give Him a Quiet Night at Home. 

Some guys don’t want all the adventure and excitement. Sometimes, he’s exhausted from the day to day and the best thing you could possibly do is give him the gift of rest! 

Of course, that doesn’t mean your Valentine’s Day has to be boring. Try some of these ideas for an exciting night in!

  • Play a board game or card game. Bring out the competitive side in each other!
  • Candle lit dinner (Take out or delivery please!)
  • Cook together
    • Try a new recipe
    • Have a Cook Off!
    • Try cooking or eating with silly utensils. Can you eat spaghetti with salad tongs or drink from a pitcher??
    • Choose 5 random items at the grocery store and make a meal including all 5 things!
  • Research something you’ve always wanted to learn, a place you’ve always wanted to visit, or an experience you’ve always wanted to try!
  • Indoor Mini Golf!
  • Do a puzzle
  • Build a fort together
  • Read to each other
  • Take a bubble bath together
  • Create a bucket list for your relationship!
  • Connect on a deeper level by asking each other questions

Reveal or Conceal – The Game with 500 Questions to Get to Know Each Other

Peaceable Kingdom This or That? Quick and Clever Get to Know You Game for Friends and Family

man and woman holding hands together in walkway during daytime

5) Give Him Sex.

Let’s be real, men love to have fun in the bedroom. (So do women…)

I can’t think of a better night to put that little black thing on for your hunk than February 14!

And on this note… there’s a ton of super fun sexy games for couples to play just to keep things spicy! If you want a fun and exciting gift for your man, check out some of these awesome links!! Just click the images below!

A man and woman cuddling together in bed.

6) Give Him Food.

Everyone loves food! Here’s some ideas to put a twist on boring boxes of chocolates.

  • Go to a tasting (whiskey, bourbon, wine, whatever!)
  • Make your own tasting at home with all his favorite foods or drinks
  • Roast marshmallows (over a fire or over the stove)
  • Try a new food that neither of you have ever had!
  • Try authentic foods from all over the world! Experience a variety of cultures!
  • Go restaurant hopping! Have appetizers at one location, then a main course at another location, and dessert somewhere else!
  • Go restaurant hopping but only order appetizers and drinks at each place
  • Use your best coupons! See if you can get a great meal for free or super inexpensive!!

man kissing woman's forehead

7) Give Him the Gift of Appreciation.

Find a clever way to tell him how much he means to you, how grateful you are for him, and all the reasons why you love him! 

Here’s some great ideas:

  • Heart Attack: Leave hearts with a kind thought about your partner on each one. Make so many that they cover his car, or the bathroom mirror, or the bed, or his front door, or whatever!
  • Send a special card or note to his office. Special delivery!
  • Make a scrapbook of your favorite moments together and tell him why you love each memory with him
  • Write down all the kind things he does for you for a week. Give him the list and tell him how much it all meant to you!
  • Text him often throughout the day
  • Write down 100 things you love about him and give him the list
  • Put a note in his lunch telling him how important he is to you and why
  • Create a photo book with captions explaining why each picture is significant to your relationship
  • Write down all the ways he turns you on and give him the list
  • Create a “Story of Us” with simple images (even stick figures). Include all the things that made you fall in love with him and things you have overcome together
  • Hide post it notes in places he will find them (in a shoe, in his wallet, on the mirror, in the fridge) with kind words for him
  • Create a video or slideshow full of amazing things about your partner
  • Keep a journal together or individually of all the experiences that grow your relationship. Share it with him. Enjoy looking back at how far you’ve come together!
  • Write a message in lipstick on the mirror
  • For at least a week before Valentine’s, tell him one thing you love about him before you go to bed. This will build the love and suspense for a great Valentine’s Day!
  • Tell your friends and family how amazing your man is when your man is around and when he isn’t! It will get back to him, and it means a lot.

woman on bike reaching for man's hand behind her also on bike

8) Give Him the Gift of Chores Done!

Sometimes, the worst part of the day is when you get home from work and you’re exhausted, but there’s still a ton to get done at home. 

No rest for the wicked!

This is especially annoying on Valentine’s Day when you are supposed to spend all your time loving on each other, not doing chores!

Help your man out by finding a way to help him with his chores in advance. This will take some pressure off of him, make your night more relaxing for both of you, and show him that you are willing to make sacrifices for his well being. 

It’s not easy. After all, you’ve got your own job and household chores to do! But that’s what makes this a great way to show you care.

Stay up a little later the night before, arrange to leave work an hour early, or ask a friend to watch the kids for a while so that you can do the prep work necessary to kick off your Valentine’s Day with a bang!

As soon as he walks in the door, there’s nothing else to think about but each other. 

Here’s some acts of service that mean a lot to my man:

  • Wash the car
  • Clean house
  • Firewood stacked (we use a wood stove as our primary heat source)
  • Dishes done
  • Snow shoveled
  • Laundry folded and put away
  • Lawn mowed (if you live in a warm location)
  • Kids fed and hopefully off to the babysitter’s house

man and woman sitting on bench during daytime

Those of you who are familiar with the 5 Love Languages might have caught on that at least one of these ideas covers each love language. 

  • Quality Time- #1, 3, 4, 5, 7
  • Words of Affirmation- #7
  • Physical Touch- #4, 5
  • Receiving Gifts- #2, 3, 5
  • Acts of Service- #6, 8

No matter what your man’s love language is, he’s bound to feel appreciated, loved, respected, wanted, and committed when you treat him to an awesome day that’s just for him!

Especially on Valentine’s Day- the day he thought was just for you.

Need more information? Check out 45 Perfect Valentine’s Day Gifts for Him by  and 

Sincerely,

Mrs. S

 

Who is Mrs. S… and why do people call you that? 

It’s my favorite nickname! That’s what all my students call me!

I’ve been around the block a time or two. I’ve worked with children from ages 0-18, some with mental illness, some with disabilities, some with Autism, and many with behavioral problems.

I also worked as a parent educator!

All that doesn’t hold a candle to my best experience with children- being a mom. Want to learn more about me? Click here! 

 

Did you enjoy this post?? Share with your friends!

Subscribe to my email list for weekly updates in the world of parenting! Nobody needs to do this alone- parenting is just too hard for that. Join a wonderful community and have access to exclusive resources, like this one:

Free Self Care Guide 2

Click here to receive your FREE Parent’s Guide to Self-Care! 

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